Saturday, November 17, 2012

I had a plan...and God just laughed...

  I am definitely one of those people that criticizes others and their decisions, along with firmly stating that 'I will never do this - or that - like they did.'  Wait, isn't everyone like that?
  I'm a planner. Always have, always will be.  Til.I.die.  God is so patient with me though.  He allows me my lists and my dates and my plans and EXTENSIVE DETAILS RECORDED.  Then, He gently shows me a better path.
  You can imagine the PLANS I have for our baby girl Korey.  We had 30 long months to make all these plans and decisions.  Naturally, I critically examined every single parent I laid my eyes on during that time.  I read as much as I possibly could on the subject of baby-having, baby-raising, and parent-making.
  Once again, God just quietly chuckles, as He looks ahead at my future.  The future HE has planned for me. Not the one I have planned.  I will admit, though, I've never been disappointed.  Even with the tough times I didn't PLAN ON....there was a wonderful reason.  There always is.  Even if we don't get to know the reason until we reach those 'pearly gates'.
  So, I had these HUGE plans on EXACTLY how my labor and birthing process would go.  Even though I constantly repeated to myself not to get attached to my birth plan, it happened anyways.
  After 3 false labor episodes lasting DAYS, I hit 41 weeks and my Doc said that word that I previously considered truly evil: induction.  I had read how awful Pitocin was, and how out of control inductions are, and how it's not good for the mother or the baby, and how they end up in C-sections much of the time, and, and, and.....
  But I calmly told my Doc, "YES! PLEASE! I'm done being pregnant!"
  Lord knows I tried to enjoy pregnancy and I constantly told myself how beautiful it was.  I was seriously lying to myself.  In the end, it wasn't beautiful.  It kinda stunk, actually.  Sick the first 19 weeks, energetic and wonderful for about 4 weeks after that, then one thing after another ganged up on me and my happiness.    
  The pelvic and tailbone pain was so bad that Scott had to lift me out of bed, and in and out of the truck (not easy with a fat, painful preggo).  Can you say WADDLE? Yeah, it was bad.  Then came the itchiness.  Everywhere.  I would wake up with my legs bleeding from the scratching I did in my sleep.  I wont even start on the migraines and vomiting.
  I know, I'm just whining.  It could've been way worse.  Everyone kept telling me that.  But you want to know something?  At that time, it was THE WORST for me.  I know it seems self-centered, but I was miserable, and even telling myself that it could be worse never made me feel better.  I wasn't even grateful for the mildness of my symptoms compared to other women who have suffered far worse.  When you are near the end of your pregnancy, your hormones are making you CRAZY, and your emotions are the stretched to their breaking points, it doesn't matter if someone else has hurt more than you.  You don't care about them at that point.  It's all about you and that baby and getting it out, along with all the misery.
  So we did.  We induced.  They wanted to start me slow, I said, 'Give me all you've got, let's get this baby out NOW.'  And there went all my plans.  I labored on my back the WHOLE TIME - stupid, stupid, stupid.  I tried for so long to avoid the epidural, but gave in when the contractions were coming every minute.  I've been told pitocin contractions are horrible...maybe if I go natural next time, it'll feel like a breeze.
  From the start of the drip, it took 8 hours to bring my baby girl into this world - only 15 minutes of that was actual pushing. I tore just a little bit and required a few sutures.  But all else was well.  It was incredible.  And I don't regret a single thing from that day.
  This past week, my BIG PLANS have suffered another terrible blow.  I vowed Korey wouldn't start solids until she was at least a year old.  Enter:  the other path.
  Korey ate her first bite of baby oatmeal on November 13th - and let me tell you, SHE LOVED IT.  Within two bites, she was opening her mouth and grabbing at the spoon.  She was instantly a pro.  Tonight, she tasted Pear, and loved that even more.  So much for my 'wait until at least 6 months-or more' plan.  You'd think would learn by now....
  So life goes on. I still plan and list and document and record everything.  I still freak out if Scott refuses to give me a yes or no answer (I can't plan on 'maybe'...or 'I don't know').  And God still treats me with gentle patience.
  I can't remember a time when Korey wasn't here.  I don't know what I did with all my waking moments before she came.  She continues to amaze me every day with how quickly she learns and picks up things.  I am learning so much from her, but mostly enduring patience.  I'm so glad God chose me to be Korey's mom. ♥

Sorry about the photos.  My blog got reformatted and I haven't fixed them yet....

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